| Letter to Bj That I'm Never Going to Send |
[16 Nov 2004|01:01am] |
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I probably shouldn’t even be writing this but you know how I get late at night and you know how I have to talk about everything. I don't even know if you check your emails anymore... so maybe that's a good thing. I was reading old emails between us and I miss the old times so much. I miss the long conversations, the saying nice sweet things about each other; I miss sharing my world with you. I know you have a new girlfriend, and I know you've moved on, which you should, which I should, but you know me and you know that I hold onto my past, and now, you're my past. As much as that hurts to say, it's true. I know that I think too much and that it is a bad thing to do... and that if I stopped thinking so much then I could just let the past go. I just never have been able to let go. And now that I'm this far in the letter I know for positive that I'm not going to send it. When I leave for college, I don't want any regrets. I'm pretty sure that if I go to Chaminade that I'm not coming back to Rockville. As sad as that is, I just don't think I could. Not just because of the money (even though that's a huge reason), but also because I know after not seeing you for that long of a time I wouldn't be as prepared to see you and not be able to be with you. To hug and kiss you. To play with your hair. To just hold you in my arms and thank God that you are with me. You may not have known that, but I did thank God for you every day. I've never been the best at showing my feelings, and as stupid as this sounds, I'm afraid of commitment. But you already know this. I guess what this is saying, even though I'm never going to give it to you, is that if you and Liz work out long enough for me to leave for college then I am most definitely wanting to be your closest friend. But if for any reason you don't work out (which I want you to know that I want you to stay with her if that is what would make you happy) I will always be here for you. Whether it be as a friend, or hopefully more, I will be there. I love you BJ. As a friend or maybe as more, you take it the way you want to. But if you ever feel like no one loves you, or that you are alone or lost in this huge world, know that I love you and that I will always be here for you to be lost with. We have to fight the world together.
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[18 Jul 2004|03:30pm] |
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mood |
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music |
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Lit- My Own Worst Enemy |
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Last night I had a dream that Bj called me and I was sleeping so I didn't pick up the phone. It sucked lol I just wanted to put that in here so I didn't forget...
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| A Poem I Wrote :) |
[07 Mar 2004|03:55pm] |
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mood |
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music |
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NoFX- Liza and Louise |
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The Raven
Spreads its wings and engulfs the night.
The night of Gypsy
Mischief. Surrounded by mist.
The night
Spans the sky filled with mist
Mist created by the Gypsy
To call upon the Raven
The mist
Soars between the stones placed by the Gypsy
The Gypsy watching the Raven
As he glides with ease through the night
The Gypsy
Sings for the Raven
The Raven pleases the Gypsy
For their hard work in the night
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| I'm 17 tomorrow! |
[12 Feb 2004|12:32pm] |
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mood |
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 hopeful |
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Green Day- Waiting |
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man this entry is gonna sound very similar to my last 10 lol im living at my dads house again.. but this time my mom is in jail. we got evicted and my mom didn't tell me so i hadda move all of our shit in 1 day so that was fun. I got a kitten but I can't live with him because I live w/my dad and he hates cats so bj is watching him for me. I hope i dont have to stay here much longer. Its not too bad being here but I want my cat. I've started to hang out with my ex-boyfriend Ryan again. He's really cool and i wish we didn't stop talking for a year but better late then never right? I'm stayed home today and later tonight my dad is gonna take me to outback for dinner because my birthday is tomorrow. I'm turnin 17 :) it's pretty cool having my birthday on friday the 13th. and it's pretty suiting that I have a black cat haha. Well i really have a lot to write but I don't know how to write it in a non-boring way lol so I think I'm just gonna clean my room or play on newgrounds or maybe do my homework... that's a thought... nah.. talk to you guys later
Mandy
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[09 Oct 2003|05:28pm] |
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wow, i think that my mom has left me here. i'm at my dads house and last night she was all ike "live with someone else" and now she suppost to have picked me up about 1 1/2 hours ago n shes still not here and shes not calling and i've called and she didn't pick up. she left work 2 hours ago and shes still not here. fuck, if she left me here i'll just fucking live somewhere else. I'm not gonna fill all of you in on everything that's happened because that would take too much time you see, and being as lazy as i am, i'm not gonna write it :) talk to you later
Amanda
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[30 Sep 2003|12:43am] |
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mood |
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 awake |
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music |
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none :( |
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House jumping if fun at the moment, but I can tell it's gonna get old soon.. really soon. my mom called today and was like "you need to come home on sunday" and im like "no, i have parties to go to and places to be, i don't live there" and then she gave me this guilt trip "well if u dont live w/me you have to live w/ur dad cuz if u dont then it's called neglect and we'll go to jail" personally, i really could give a rats ass if they did, but if its such a big deal i'll say that "i live there but i'm spending the night out" then shes like "you can't spend the night out for 2 weeks" and i was like "thers no law on how long im allowed to spend the night out" so she gets mad cuz i got her cornered and she hung up n shit so i say fuck her, fuck all people in my god damn family, if they want to be bitches then let them, just let them away from me, i will not let them bring me down into their fucking problems, its my god damn life and i will do what it takes to fuck it up myself, with none of their help. I dont need their help to fuck up my life, i can fuck it up on my own, thank you.
for the next two weeks i'm spending the nite w/kimi and after that i dunno what to do or where to go, but i'll figure it out as we go along. I'm really glad that me n jack r friends again, he's helping me out with this whole house jumping thing (it was his idea in the first place) i dont think i would have thought of this for a while, so i'm happy for that idea. but i called to talk to his sister today and he picked up and was talking to me about it, so i feel a little better. theres some things i can't talk to bj about cuz he gets to worried about me for me to tell him, so i go to someone who doesn't care as much. Well nothing else to write, talk to u later
Manda
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| hair curling |
[25 Sep 2003|07:37pm] |
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mood |
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 amused |
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im still at trishas and shes curling my hair for some odd reason... lol its alrite cuz she pure gangsta yo! i've decided what to do for my little problems w/houses... thanks goes to jack cuz he gave me the idea, i'm going to house jump. i'll stay with my mom till she starts to bother me then go to another house. well nuthin more to write. ttyl bye btw, it'd b nice if SOMEONE would leave me FUCKING notes! have a nice day :D bye
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[22 Sep 2003|09:46pm] |
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mood |
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 disappointed |
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music |
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trisha talkin on the phone w/her lover boy |
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im at trishas right now. i got kicked out of ANOTHER house. i wonder how many i can actually get kicked out of? on a happier note, im at trishas and shes pure gangster. bj wuz suppost to call me @ 9 30 and its almost 10 and he hasn't called yet :( its sad well ima go to sleep now cuz im a tired kid head. talk to you guys later. leave me messages cuz u love me. bye
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| Blue Monkeys are cool |
[30 Aug 2003|11:48am] |
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mood |
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 bored |
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music |
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none- im on a laptop :( |
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I've been having the wierdest fucking dreams in the world. the other day i had a dream that one of my friends had... a blue monkey! how wierd is that? and then i hadda dream about a tiger and a black panther that were 3 times bigger than they normally are. and last night i dreamed that i had to get surgery on my elbows cuz a bone was stickin out. man, its wierd cuz i never have dreams and recently i've been having wierd ones every night.
Jack is over at bj's so i have nothing to do. The Hurricane deily thingy came on thursday, and everyone hates me cuz i never lost power lol. it flickered once. bj didn't get power back until this morning, since thursday he didn't have power. i came over and occupied him for a little bit, but his next door neighbors have one of those huge trampolines and we jumped on that for a really long time. but when i was jumpingon it i heard something (most likely a bone) snap inbetween my ankle and my knee on my left leg so that sucks. lol well anyways nothing really to write, just figured i'd write a little cuz i haven't inalmost a month. well talk to ya later bye
Mandy
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| My Hell |
[29 Aug 2003|04:35pm] |
Parents who bring squalling brats to R-rated movies
Circle I Limbo Rednecks
Circle II Whirling in a Dark & Stormy Wind DMV Employees
Circle III Mud, Rain, Cold, Hail & Snow Rockville High School
Circle IV Rolling Weights Pop-Punk
Circle V Stuck in Mud, Mangled River Styx People who stick their nose in my business
Circle VI Buried for Eternity River Phlegyas Tia
Circle VII Burning Sands Republicans
Circle IIX Immersed in Excrement George Bush
Circle IX Frozen in Ice Design your own hell
interesting huh?
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[29 Aug 2003|03:58pm] |
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mood |
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depressed |
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Days of the New - Shelf In The Room |
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i hate all this shit.. i have been officially kicked out of my house so i have to live w/my fucking dad. i hate it here and all i do is sit in 'my' room and go on the internet. grr nevermind, i dont want to write nemore
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| Dying my Hair Today :) |
[15 Aug 2003|06:41pm] |
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mood |
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anxious |
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Saves The Day- I Melt With You (i'm at kimi's house) |
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Hey, sorry it's been so long since i've written but i haven't been home. my mom went to a hospital cuz she od's on pills so i called the hospital and she got committed. so I've been spending the past week 1/2 with deanna and trisha. I'm probably gonna end up moving in w/my dad. that'll suck but i'll get over it. I'm dying my hair red today. ima dip dye it and then do 2 streaks. it's hard to explain but its gonna look cool. jack came back today. its cool, me n trisha were really missin him lol. he got me sumthin from disney world. i didn't think he was gonna get me nething so im happy :) lol i've never been to disney world so it'd b cool to have something from there. me, deanna, trisha, jack, bj, and (a new member) kimi started a crew. it's called Da Masta Thumb Crew. it's exciting. ok, well got nuthin else to write, maybe kimi will dye my hair now :D talk to ya later
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| Jack Died |
[27 Jul 2003|10:25pm] |
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mood |
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 indescribable |
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music |
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Rancid- Vanilla Sex |
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I have the worst dream in the world! I dreamed that one of my best friends died. it was really upsetting. I woke up and i was really upset and crying n all that shit... grr i hate dreaming about people dieing! I'm going to hang out with bj, jack, jesse, and steve (oh boy!) on tuesday. I gotta say, its really fun hanging out with bj and jack. even though last time i was bored for a little, it got made up by what we talked bout later. I think its awsome that we're all close friends again. I was really starting to feel sorry for myself for having no friends lol. well anywayz... nuthin really to talk about. guess i'll write later
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| Six Flags!! |
[15 Jul 2003|06:58pm] |
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mood |
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 giddy |
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music |
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Vandals - Girlfriend's Dead |
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I'm going to six flags tomorrow :) I'm going with Deanna, Heather, and her boyfriend (hes driving). I wish that bj could go... I also invited kimi, jahmal, ally, jack, sally, and trisha but it didn't work out. Well, gotta go and get ready... I'll write later
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| WARPED TOUR! |
[14 Jul 2003|09:30pm] |
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mood |
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 ecstatic |
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music |
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me going EEEEEEEEEEE! |
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I GET TO GO TO THE WARPED TOUR!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA :P k, done with the spasing out. he (bj) got it for me as a present for our 1 year ann. and i LOVE them. hehehehehe im just kinda hyper. newaz... handfasting saturday.. just wanted to type that so i remember :P k... bye
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| A New Beginning |
[10 Jul 2003|03:47pm] |
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mood |
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 aggravated |
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music |
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Guttermouth - She's Got The Look |
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first entries are very boring. I just typed a whole long entry but it wouldn't let me post it so this sucks lol i will make what i wrote short cuz im a very lazy kid. thanks kimi for giving me a code thats basicly it.. bye
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